Diffuser Bracelets For Sale!

So I am beginning to realize that although I am on the waiting list for disability, I have no way to make money until Christmas season when I can work part time. That being said, I have started making some beaded jewelry thanks to the encouragement of the other crafters at Knott’s Berry Farm and also thanks to my family. My older sister Amanda has been teaching me how to properly make bracelets and I have started making my very own line of diffuser bracelets.

Diffuser bracelets are bracelets which include a lava bead. Lava beads are used to hold essential oils so that they diffuse on your wrist all day long. I have been learning ever more about essential oils because of this and also which types of oils I prefer to wear on a daily basis to diffuse for myself.

I even created my very own Etsy Page called A Rainbow of Essentials where I display the beaded beauties that myself, my sister Amanda and my boyfriend AJ have been creating. It’s been really fun so far! I have learned a bit, but have much to learn still. I am excited and look forward to creating more jewelry in the future. Stay Tuned folks!

NEW LOGO

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Federal Disability + State Disability = Waiting Game

I am currently playing a waiting game. I really do not want to play, but now that I have done all the work, I have to wait. In the meantime I am pursuing means by which to make some cash. Have I found a one? Nope. Not at all. Waiting for California Disability benefits to be approved is totally not a joke.

Since I quit my job back in April, I have applied for both Federal and State disability benefits. I was denied already for Federal benefits back in August. Figures… I am still waiting to here back from the state. Surprisingly the Federal end of things went pretty quickly and I received responses rapidly from my representative. I really have not heard anything at all from the State of California on my Disability claim.

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I quickly gathered and organized all of my medical paperwork and hospitalization papers to hand over to the Social Security office in anticipation of them requesting them all from different physicians that I have seen since my seizures had started. I went to the office one weekday and drug a huge file box full of the organized documents with me to submit to my representative. The person in the office that assisted me immediately faxed them to my representative’s office in I believe Sacramento or someplace and I was done for the time being. The next step was having my most recent psychiatrist sign the documents about my current situation and how the seizures and my PTSD were affecting me daily and when I had been at work. I had to make an appointment with the physician the following month to sit down with her and have her evaluate me for all of that, which I complied with and went through with her quickly. Once that had been done, I also had to have a few family members submit documents stating that I was unable to handle having a day job due to the triggers that are there which can cause me to have seizures and panic attacks regularly as I had been having at my most recent place of employment. All-in-all the process went rather smoothly and I submitted my documents in a timely fashion to the Social Security department.

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However, when it came down to the California State Disability Insurance Department, I submitted my application to file for benefits at the exact same time on May 3, 2016 and have yet to be reached out to for any type of documentation. On the website where I submitted my application for benefits, all I see in the current status for my Pending Disability Insurance Claim Application when I login is “Pending medical provider form”. What this is sure to mean from what I have found online from other people having this same thing show up when they look at the status of their claim is that the physician has not received the forms or filled them out and submitted them, or the EDD has not received them or processed them as of yet. I have decided at this time to go to the Disability Office in Santa Ana, CA and find out for myself exactly what is going on. I have read online that similar people in my situation that have the same pending status have done this and gotten some sort of result from having gone to the office in person. This is mostly due to the fact that it is literally impossible to get anyone on the phone to assist you because the phone lines for the California EDD are always busy. Like, 24/7. I have called and called and I get the same message each time I call saying the following: “I’m sorry, we have reached the maximum amount of callers” which is complete bullshit.

I found that this blog called Corner of the Mind explained how she was able to go in to the EDD Disability office and found that when she was there, the person assisting her “…looked somewhere else in her computer and apologized – they did have the form.  Whew!  Then she said “oh my god” and shook her head.  She looked at me – “he didn’t sign the form.””. This made me come to the conclusion that I might be able to get a better answer than what the SDI Online website is giving me with that “Pending medical provider form” nonsense.

All I need is to gain some information for right now. While I wait though, I am looking for ways to make some money. If anyone has any bright ideas, I am all ears!

 

I Now Consider Myself A Person With A Disability

Since my seizures began, I had heard from multiple people in my life that I should pursue being on disability. This was not something I could consider in my mind. As far as I knew, I was a able-bodied person who was able to work a 9-to-5 job like most people I knew in the work force. However, as the years have gone on since I began having seizures and have tried as best as I could to make things work within the positions I have held in that time, I have come to the realization that I am unable to perform like my coworkers were able to. I struggled. I knew something was wrong when I was in the Emergency Room twice in the end of 2014 and the beginning of the year in 2015 and was unable to return to work until I was once again “stable” and able to be in the workplace. So over this last year I made some decisions and came to the conclusion that I now consider myself to be a person with a disability.

My mental health conditions had caused much damage in my life towards the end of 2014. I was at the point where I had begun a working at a new job and was beginning to have problems while at work and in the waking hours of my days. I was hearing voices and hallucinating things that were not there. I was crying uncontrollably for no reason whatsoever. This was only the beginning.

With my new job, I had new medical benefits with Kaiser and so I took it upon myself to start seeing doctors to pursue a second opinion. My employer at the time was very concerned for my well being and was also very encouraging to find out what more I could do about my seizures seeing as I was struggling so with them. I started with my new primary physician and went from there to see a new psychiatrist where I was prescribed my very first depression medication along with an anti-psychotic drug. She told me that I was not schizophrenic as I had thought, but the visions I was seeing were coming from my severe chronic depression. I began taking the medication in hopes that it would all make things better. And so I started falling asleep at my desk while at work and was forced to drink things that would energize me which I had never had to do before in my life.

Things worsened with me and the amount of seizures increased and the symptoms got stranger. One night while alone in my bedroom, I had a terrible seizure which lead me to screaming and “speaking in tongues” or “talking in gibberish” as my family described it. They took me to the ER at once where they pumped me full of Ativan and sent me home once I was subdued. From that point I was taken off of the antipsychotic medication and my condition improved a bit and the hallucinations stopped and their were no voices in my head anymore. Oh and did I mention my neurologist signed a paper stating that I was to not drive anymore? I lost the ability to get to work as well, and so I had to rely on family until I was approved to gain transportation through OCTA Access. This is a wonderful program by the way!

Next thing I knew, I was headed in a downward spiral of sadness and I broke down in front of my shrink. I was delirious and inconsolable. She notified my work that I was to be put on immediate leave for the next few weeks and be put on disability benefits while she enrolled me in what they called “Intensive Outpatient Program” or “I.O.P.”. This program was meant to give me the tools to cope with my depression. The thing was, I had been in therapy before and had tried many of these things in the past. Upon speaking to the group’s leader, I found that I would not get the individual help I needed with my issues and my PTSD which I believe was causing my current meltdown. Go figure!

The weeks went by and though the group therapy was good for me, it wasn’t what I needed. I had to go back to work, or lose my job. Next thing I knew, I was working on a very tough new program at work and trying to get things back to normal at work when I had a bad seizure at work. One of my sisters had to come and get me because I was unable to be calm and was a jittery mess. She took me to the ER where they started running tests on me as I had another seizure in the car on the way there and then AGAIN while sitting in the intake chair speaking to the nurse about why I was there that day. They drugged me yet again to calm my nerves and body and I slept. Apparently I was there for about 10 hours and when I awoke they informed me that everything came back negative and re-diagnosed me with Conversion Disorder which is basic Hysteria.

Yet again I was at a loss. I had an answer which did not help my situation. When I followed up with my shrink, she told me to just continue on with the medications I was on and to see my therapist regularly. Oh, and they increased my depression medication to the maximum dose naturally.

Next thing I know, I am being let go at work just after accusing my coworker of harassment in the workplace. Great.

I decided then to take the summer to help out some family in Florida and be a caregiver for my elders for a while. Being stress free and out of work, I only had a few small seizures while away from home. A miracle? I think NOT. I was out of the stressful environment of being in a normal workplace. I was able to relax and do things at my pace. Or at my elders’ pace at least. haha

Upon returning home, I began looking for work seeing as my unemployment had run out. I got a job after 2 weeks of searching and got to it! Yet again, I was down. I was depressed and stressed and having panic attacks and seizures all over the place. What was I to do? I sought therapy once again through MediCal. I did the right thing. I found my current therapist who began working away with me on my PTSD and doing EMDR sessions with me. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment of trauma. EMDR is a set of standardized protocols that incorporates elements from many different treatment approaches. To date, EMDR therapy has helped millions of people of all ages relieve many types of psychological stress.

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Through these sessions with lights and memories being processed together, I was able to go ahead and finally deal with my past abuses and face up to the fact that I am alive and well and able to live.

Sadly, this did not stop my seizures from occurring, nor did it stop me from having panic attacks in the workplace. Thus in April of this year, I quit my job and began filing for disability benefits. I have found that over the last few years, I just have not been able to perform very well at any job that I have held due to what is going on with me. The seizures, the panic attacks, and much more… It is all so difficult to handle when I am expected to be present at work for 40 hours a week and be high functioning at that. I have tried so very hard to do everything in my power to keep up my spirits and be the best worker I can be, but their has finally come a time when I know in my heart and mind and my body that I just cannot do things like some others out there can.

I am waiting now. I have been waiting since May for an answer. I can only hope that I will be approved for the benefits that I am in such need of at this point in my life. Family in my life has been extremely supportive of my decision, as have friends and my significant other as well. I am so very grateful to them all. The only support I am in need of now is from the government. My hopes are high, and my medications are increased as my anxieties are amped up like never before.

Now, I wait.